


That Time Jason Todd got his Identity Stolen (And how they text about it)

by Whistle_Mist



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Humor, Drunk Texting, Fake Jason loves it, Jason hates Fake Jason, M/M, Texting, batkids, daddy bats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-19 09:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whistle_Mist/pseuds/Whistle_Mist
Summary: Batfam texts about the Fake Jason Todd





	1. Chapter 1

  
**Jason:** Who the hell is using my debit card?!  
  
**Dick:** What?  
  
**Damian:** I'm stunned you own one.  
  
**Tim:** A debit card?  
  
**Damian:** Yes, Drake, you imbecile.  
  
**Tim:** Shut up! What I mean is how the hell did Jason open up a bank account? He's legally dead!

 **Dick:** Oh yeah, that's right! How did you get one Littlewing?  
  
**Jason:** No one asks you if you're dead! Now, who the hell is using my card?!

 **Tim:** Not me.

 **Dick:** Me either

 **Damian:** I have enough wealth to sustain me.

 **Jason:** Listen, you little bastard, someone is buying a shit load of stuff and there's only one person I know who would buy an assload of cereal!  
  
**Damian:** Ah, Grayson is at fault then.

 **Tim:** lol  
  
**Dick:** It wasn't me! I can buy my own cereal!   
  
**Jason:** I'm gonna meal you! 

 **Damian:** Father will not approve of cabalism.  
  
**Dick:**   😂

 **Jason:** *KILL  
  
**Tim:** I'll see what's going on

 **Jason:** Don't you dare hack my account

 **Tim:** Fine, then let all your money be wasted on cereal and- Oh you got a new apartment?

 **Jason:** WTF?! I DIDN'T GET A NEW APARTMENT!

 **Tim:** It's said that a one 'Jason Petter Todd' just paid rent.   
  
**Dick:** Let's have a housewarming party! We can binge movies or a show and order all kinds of food! 

 **Damian:** Vegetarian food.

 **Tim:** We can watch all the Avengers movies

 **Jason:** No ones coming over! I don't have an apartment, I have safe houses! Wait! Tim, where's the apartment located?

 **Tim:** It's in Gotham City... Hampton Garden Apartments. Wow, these are pricey. Looks like one month of rent that was paid was just over $2,000.   

 **Dick:** I have all the Avengers movies

 **Jason:** We're not having a MOVIE NIGHT YOU DICK! 

 **Tim:** Are you saying his name or insulting him???

 **Dick:** Tim, you need a ride?

 **Damian:** I'm driving. 

 **Tim:** Damian's driving. Apparently, after fainting in a meeting of WE I'm not allowed to drive for a few more days 

 **Dick:** DAMIAN'S TWELVE

 **Damian:** The windows are dark tint and besides I'm being punished and have to drive Drake around. 

 **Tim:** My personal chafer.

 **Damian:** Do not forget I can make it look like an accident 

 **Tim:**  🙄  
  
**Jason:** WTF?! 

 **Dick:** You know Damian have murdery tendencies

 **Jason:** Not that! I just found out what's going on with my card! 

 **Tim** : ?

 **Dick:** Wat?

 **Jason:** SOMEONE STOLE MY IDENTITY!!!! 

 **Dick:** WHAT?!  😂😂😂  
  
**Tim:** Omg

 **Damian:** This amuses me

 **Jason:** I'm gonna kill this bastard! 

 **Tim:** You can't! 

 **Jason:** The hell I can! 

 **Tim:** No, you can't! If you kill him everyone is going to wonder why DEAD Jason Todd was killed! You're legally dead, remember?! 

 **Jason:** THAT MOTHER ******

 **Dick:** Wait so is Fake Jason having a house warming party???

 **Jason:** THERE IS NO PARTY YOU FAT ASS!

 **Dick:** I'm not fat!!! 

 **Damian:** Tt. This is troublesome. If Fake Todd tries to claim he is Todd that means he can take part of my inheritance. 

 **Tim:** UM. Do you mean our inheritance? I'm a Wayne too

 **Dick:** I don't need Bruce's money 😊

 **Jason:** Bitch, please! 

 **Tim:** Yeah, right

 **Damian:** Even I find that laughable. 

 **Dick:** ?! I DON'T! 

 **Jason:** TF you do! You're gonna sit there and tell us that you live in the giant ass loft with your own full functioning Wingcave on a policeman's salary?!

 **Tim:** And all the high tech, medical, bikes and not to mention the rest plus the utility bills

 **Damian:** It is clear you still use Father's money, do not pretend that you do not.

 **Dick:** 😰

 **Jason:** At least I make my own money

 **Tim:** By killing and taking their crimelord money? 

 **Jason:** Hey, are we talking about me or Dick here? I don't use any money from dear old Daddy Bats

 **Damian:** Tt. Either way, are we not having a movie binge? If so I want vegetarian pizza.

 **Jason:** WE'RE NOT HAVING A MOVIE NIGHT! 

 **Tim:** But I already packed an overnight bag 😦

 **Dick:** Yeah, I was ready too

 **Jason:** WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU

 **Tim:** I guess we can just go hang with Fake Jason

 **Damian:** I'm in the car. Hurry up, Drake

 **Dick:** lol, their not really going. 

 **Dick to Jason:** JAY THEY REALLY LEFT

 **Jason:** WHAT?! 

 **Dick:** Oh my god, Jason what if fake Jason kills them?! I'll try to track Fake Jason down! 

 **Jason:** Stop calling him that! 

 **Dick:** ... Fake Jason has Instagram. 

 **Jason:** Show me that bitch's face, I'M GONNA KILL HIM

 **Dick:** *Sends screenshot*: *Picture of a man who looks like Jason, Tim and Damian, and Caption* "Hanging out with little bros! Avengers Marathon yall!"  


**Jason:**  🤬 @#$%#@$%*&^$!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Jason:** You bastard!

 **Fake Jason:** New phone, who dis?

 **Jason:** Who's this?! It's the real Jason Todd asshole!

 **Fake Jason:** Cool, we have the same name 

 **Jason:** TF! You stole my Identity! 

 **Fake Jason:** How do I know that you aren't the one who stole _my_ identity???

 **Jason:** DON'T EVEN TRY THAT! AND SEND THOSE BRATS HOME! 

 **Fake Jason:** Send who home?

 **Jason:** Damian and Tim you creeper! You don't even know them! 

 **Fake Jason:** How dare you say my precious little brothers' names! Are you a stalker?!

 **Jason:** WHAT?! THOSE AREN'T  YOUR BROTHERS! 

 **Fake Jason:** Listen, stalker, keep away from my family. 

 **Jason:** ANSWER THE PHONE YOU F*****!

 **Fake Jason:** Dude, can't. One of my little bros knocked out. Looks likes he's been up for a few days. 

 **Jason:** The brat can lose some more sleep, answer the phone! 

 **Fake Jason:** Damn, you're rude. Put my phone on vibrate. Why are you do you want to wake Tim up? He's so tired. 

 **Jason:** You drugged him didn't you?! 

 **Fake Jason:** DUDE! Why would I drug him?! We're watching Age of Ultron and he knocked out. 

 **Jason:** That's it! I'm heading over there! 

\--

 **Jason:** OPEN THE F****** DOOR! 

 **Fake Jason:** I don't open doors for strangers.  
  
**Jason:** THAN I'LL BREAK IT DOWN!   
  
**Fake Jason:** Can you not? I had to put earplugs into Tim's ears so he can sleep. 

 **Jason to Damian:** Open the door so I can kill this son of a b****

 **Damian:** No

 **Jason:** WHY HELL NOT?! 

 **Damian:** My favorite part of the movie is coming on and you are not going to ruin it for me.

 **Jason:** When I get my hands on you Satan's child, I'm gonna beat you black and blue  
  
***DAMIAN HAS ADDED TODD2 TO THE CONVERSATION***  
  
Damian: He has threatened me

 **Fake Jason:** Dude! You're threatening my brother?! What is wrong with you?!

 **Jason:** WHAT?! 

 **Fake Jason:** This is creepy, my brother'ss twelve years old! 

 **Jason:** That little ass is fine! 

 **Fake Jason:** Are you a pedo? Because if you come near my family I'm gonna eff you up

 **Jason:** EFF? WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY F***?!

 **Damian:** My innocent ears 

 **Jason:** This is a text you bastard! 

 **Damian:** My innocent eyes 

 **Fake Jason:** WHAT IS WRONG WITH  YOU?! You keep trying to break into my apartment and now you're harassing my brothers?! That's it I'm calling the cops! Freaking pedophile!

 **Jason:** I'm not a pedophile! 

 **Damian:** I have been wounded. I believe that perhaps some vegan ice cream shall make me feel better

 **Fake Jason:** There's some in the freezer

 **Jason:** WAIT. HOW SO YOU HAVE VEGAN ICE CREAM IN- YOU SERIOUSLY CALLED THE COPS?!

 **Fake Jason:** Duh, what kinda of amazing big bro would I be if I let a pedo harm my innocent baby brother?  
  
**Jason:** $%#%*^*&^@#$%*(*^!!#$%^&*()*^@%$#&%(*&(&(*^%*$^$%#!!!!!!  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

**Jason:** I can't believe that ass called the cops on me!

 **Dick:** Why can't you just break in again?

 **Jason:** Becuase that bitch is using my name and looks like me. Except without the white bangs.

 **Dick:** Yeah, I saw his story in Insta. You know he got Tim to sleep? And he and Damian are watching Infinity War.

 **Jason:** Stop looking at that! We need to figure a way into that apartment. I already went around it and it's really locked up tight.

 **Dick:** They have kettle corn!

 **Jason:** STOP LOOKING AT WHAT THEIR DOING!

 **Dick:** But it looks like fun! 😞 I want to join them

 **Jason:** DICK. HE'S FAKE.

 **Dick:** 😩 Why can't we have movie nights like that?

 **Jason:** Because your fat ass would never stop growing! Now listen,  
any word from B?

 **Dick:** He's off-world with the Leauge and we can't get a hold of him until he gets back

 **Jason:** When?

 **Dick:** I don't know, they never said. Agent A would let us know when. Jaaaaaaaaay Now they are all eating ice cones! With sprinkles! 😩

 **Jason:**......

\--

 **Jason:** Alright, bitch open the window.

 **Fake Jason:** Nah

 **Jason:** Fine I'll break it

 **Fake Jason:** You can try~ 😉

 **Jason:** What's with the winky face?

 **Fake Jason:** 😜 Nothing. Go ahead break it

 **Jason:** ... You did something to the window, didn't you?!

 **Fake Jason:** 😋 IDK what you're talking about. go ahead, it's fine

 **Jason:** Is it a bomb?!

 **Fake Jason:** 😆 No, it's a normal window. Go ahead, open it, Jaybird

 **Jason:** I don't believe you! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE WINDOW?!

 **Fake Jason:** Nothing at all. It's locked, that it. Why don't you come in and watch a movie with us? 🤓

 **Jason:** Why do you want me to open it?

 **Fake Jason:** Because you want to open it. So, go ahead, open the window.

 **Jason:** What if I don't want to?

 **Fake Jason:** Then don't 😊

 **Jason:** You want me to open it don't you?!

 **Fake Jason:** If ya want~ 😏

 **Jason:** You're trying to trick me!

 **Fake Jason:** Damn, man you always this paranoid?! 😅 Come on it, dude, I'll even let you have a beer

 **Jason:** Hell no, not until I have Red check out this window then I'm f***ing breaking it

 **Fake Jason:** Red? Red Arrow?

 **Jason:** Yeah, he's good at what he does

 **Fake Jason:** Yeah, Roy's good at other things too 😏

[Jason scowled for a second, his thumbs hovering over his keyboard with a sudden surge of jealous of what the hell that smirking emoji could mean. It didn't help that he was already pissed off or that he was always jealous when anyone even makes hints about his boyfriend.]

 **Jason:** WTF is that supposed to mean?!

 **Fake Jason:** Sorry, can share that with you~

Jason to Roy: ROY. HAS ANYONE CONTACTED YOU OR BEEN WITHOUT SINCE WE LAST SEEN EACH OTHER?

Roy: Uh, like have I been antisocial??? Cause, I've seen my family, a few friends, Kory came by to ask me to help her with some information. We had lunch at that new place! It was good! We should try it next time. Let's see, Olie had his goatee cut off, it was so funny! What else? Oh yeah me and my siblings got to see the new hero movie, it was okay, had pizza after!

Jason: But no ones came to see you since we last saw each other??

Roy: Nope, not since you came to see me last night.

Jason: WHAT

 **Roy:** ??? Last night? You brought me new metal for my arrows? Jay, were you drinking?

 **Jason:** I'M GONNA KILL HIM!

Roy: ?! Jaybird you okay?! 😨

\--

 **Jason:** I SWEAR IF YOU EVER GO NEAR ROY AGAIN I'M GONNA SLICE YOU OPEN BIT BY BITE

 **Fake Jason:** Chesus! You got some anger issues, dude!

 **Jason:** Stay away from Roy you bitch or I swear to god!

 **Fake Jason:** Relax, dude, I thought he was mine for a hot minute and I do mean a hot minute 😏😉

 **Jason:** 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
